I don’t know about you kids, but professional obligations (read: keeping up to speed so I could tell you what to talk about at the water cooler today) forced me to view last night’s America Idol finale, in all two hours of its gay glory. And to what end? To see Bo Bice get flat-out ROBBED in favor of Kelly Clarkson, Jr.?! If this is a nation that can elect George W. Bush for a second term, certainly we could have had our shit together just enough to let a former cokehead make good on his promise to God that he’d clean up and be king of the musical puppets.
But no. No, you had to go and vote for Carrie Underwood and her innocent, crimpy hair. Oh, so she’s sweet. She sings country. She’s from Oklahoma. She’s a good ol’ girl. She’ll lose the weight and wear sexy eye makeup and have some hit singles. That’s all fine and nice, but need I remind you that Bo had Lynyrd Skynyrd on his side? You don’t mess with Southern rock, America. You crossed the Skynyrd, and now you’re going to pay.
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